What Causes Depression
Here is an excerpt from my book ‘The Myth of Depression’. The following passage explains how the mind can develop into a state where we suffer what is commonly called depression. As is explained in my book, depression is an experienced state of mind which manifests as feelings of low moods, lethargy, negativity.
As the title implies there is a mythical aspect regarding the current view of what depression really is. This pertains to the many human aspects of mind and mental states and emotions that can be experienced in varying degrees and in many different combinations on a daily basis sometimes fleetingly and sometimes chronically. These symptoms which are commonly associated with a medical diagnosis of ‘depression’ are experiences such as loss of appetite, agitation and restlessness, loss of interest in activities which were previously experienced as interesting and enjoyable, lack of interest in work, loss of libido and any kind of interest in intimacy or sexual activity, sleep disturbances, boredom, fatigue, withdrawal from social group. The list is extensive and growing by the day!
Therefore this excerpt addresses only the depressed state of the whole mind and how that comes about. This is is what I regard as ‘depression’.
IT BEGINS WITH EXPECTATION.
Depression begins with a very human feeling or notion of mind. We are constantly in a state of expectation. We have longing. We have desire. We have wants. We have needs. We have wishes. These, as we know and feel, are all very ordinary, natural, emotional, mental or mind states. Being born a human we will feel them immediately. At birth we feel the need for nourishment and comfort and to be relieved of any pain we are experiencing. These expectations are there from the very beginning. The setup of the possibility for us to become depressed is already with us at birth and at that moment most of us are not depressed! During all of our life we will experience our wants—many natural, normal wants—arising simply because we are born human, innately desiring or wanting to continue to exist, and ultimately survive. We have come into existence and out of our needs we develop a mind full of many expectations in and of this world. As our desires arise we expect them to be met. This is a naturally arising expectation coming from a very deep innate need. Unfortunately, this need has a strong aspect of craving with it … a stream of craving. This craving is in fact a strong and deep suffering we are born with. The key to preventing 'depression' is to deal correctly with all aspects of our expectations and desires. If we do not…
EXPECTATION NOT MET BRINGS DISSATISFACTION
When our longing, desires, expectations or even simple needs are not met we immediately feel dissatisfied. We are disappointed and probably unhappy. When something is not to our liking we are immediately dissatisfied, instantaneously dissatisfied. We momentarily dip in our mood. This feeling of dissatisfaction may be subtle or it may develop and intensify until it is strong and long lasting. When we don’t or can’t get it, have it, see it, reach it, receive it, experience it, move closer to it, move away from it, catch it, smell it, feel it, own it, eat it, control it, change it … or when we have it taken away from us, our mood drops. Whatever the heart’s need or desire, when it does not get met, we end up in a state of dissatisfaction or disappointment, maybe momentarily and fleetingly, or maybe for quite a period of time. Desire can be felt as painful or pleasurable but along with desire comes a feeling of the need for movement and change around the desire … a need for the desire to be increased or to cease. Desire itself can actually be a kind of suffering. No matter what, if nothing happens … if our expectations arising from our desires, our wants are not met, we feel negative … dissatisfied. In all truth, this is how life is for everyone. Life itself will never satisfy us and we have to learn that life is not here to satisfy us. We are here and we need to understand and learn how to accept and cope with every single thing that our life experience presents us with, much of which will be very difficult and not to our liking.
There will be countless numbers of moments when we will not get what we want and will feel dissatisfied. After this dissatisfaction…
THEN COMES ANGER
Yes, along with dissatisfaction comes anger. Being human, this is our reaction to being dissatisfied. Maybe the reaction is delayed, maybe instantaneous, or maybe only mildly stirring at the very time but this reaction will come in some form of anger. We feel dissatisfied. We get angry. Sometimes this anger is felt. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes it is sublimated or suppressed. Sometimes the angry feeling passes quickly. For mild dissatisfactions, in fact, we will often just distract ourselves, blame something or someone for what displeases us, and find something different to occupy our minds. Often however, during strong experiences of dissatisfaction our anger can become so full of rage we feel like harming someone, even killing someone. If, for instance, we feel we have been wronged, we may develop a strong, righteous anger. This kind of anger is readily and easily felt and for some people will never subside until the anger is vented in a mean and sometimes devastating way.
Many situations will cause our anger to flare. Very often, though, our anger is held in a place of unconsciousness and many people do not even know they are angry deep in their minds. Some may have been born without the need to vent their anger, and some may have managed to develop a way of not being angry. For those this will work as a moderator for all of their life and that person will not be known as an angry person. In fact, it can happen that if a person makes the choice often enough and succeeds in not being angry, the anger itself can then become obsolete and will end up not being felt very often at all. On the other hand, another person will become angry at the slightest provocation. Once provoked, anger will come swiftly and with an enormous energetic power. So that person will become angry instantly because they are not getting what they want or they feel like they are being taken from.
If we were to observe our minds and take an inventory of every time we were aware of becoming angry, one of these two scenarios would be taking place:
WE ARE NOT GETTING WHAT WE WANT AND/OR WE ARE FEELING THAT WE ARE BEING TAKEN FROM
Very often these occur simultaneously. This situation can arouse a tumultuous kind of anger. Over many years of talking to people and helping them with their anger, and also, of course, working with my own, I have never come across one instance where this fact did not apply. The whole issue of anger is therefore a hugely important factor in understanding and dealing with a depressed state of mind because…
ONCE WE BECOME ANGRY WE CAN BECOME DEPRESSED If we are angry we can become depressed. Anger comes, depression follows. It all began in the expectation phase. Anger has a way of flattening out and pressing upon that part of the mind where we will subsequently feel the depression. Anger replaces clear thinking, positivity and happiness and depression follows. Thankfully, we can do something about this situation and, in fact, mostly we do. The truth remains though, that where there is anger, depression is lurking. Anger, being the result of not getting what we want or feeling like we are being taken from, will arise in many forms and we each do many different things about it. We become nervous, sometimes very anxious. Many times we feel defeated and sad. Because of anger, our mind becomes very disturbed and we are at risk of becoming deeply withdrawn from the world. Maybe we begin to think that everything will go badly for us forever and ever. We tell this to ourselves over and over. How depressing! We sulk. We catastrophise.
Our thinking plays a major part in the development of a depressive mood. Sometimes our dark or negative thoughts bring immediate results and we instantly fall into a state of depression of the mind. For some, just by repeatedly thinking negatively they can develop a depressive state of mind until finally, after maybe some years, this can become their usual state of mind … and a profound state of mind depression takes hold. Although this is sometimes easy to see in the developing child, it is not entirely understood that the child is setting up a pattern for their entire life leading to a most catastrophic and suffering existence. Most often these days, children are treated with either indulgences or cruelties regarding their responses to their continual dissatisfactions and are given no modelling or training or appropriate kindness and attention which will help them to deal with these disappointments and general dissatisfaction. Consequently, from all the disappointment and anger, these imprints, which are laid down in the mind, develop into depression at earlier and earlier ages. Small infants and even babies become depressed. In order to avoid developing this kind of patterning of feeling depressed we have to do something about the anger that comes from not having our expectations fulfilled, and furthermore, we must address the pattern and attitude of thinking, reacting and responding to what happens to us in any given moment. Children require their parents' help to recognise that the pattern is being set up and to help them deal with the unintended results.
Unfortunately, this patterning is set up when we are very young. Each child has their own particular way of responding to their difficulties as they find out that life is not always comfortable and, in fact, can be full of disappointments in the developing years. Such experience in infancy is dealt with in different ways by every individual child according to their own nature and their own physical and emotional environment. In the early dependent years the child feels helpless because they are unable to control the conditions they find themselves in. Their individual nature causes them to respond to their displeasing, uncomfortable conditions in a particular way. Some will become anxious, some angry, some will be constantly irascible and all are somewhat helpless at this stage. The adult carers around them will have a profound effect on how their mind develops and this is dependent upon the parents’ or carers’ own nature, their understanding, awareness and skill in being with the child. No one can be perfect and no one is to be blamed but parents in particular will develop the best kinds of skills if they are truly committed to their child’s welfare, through their kindness and love which brings a wisdom and special awareness to their parenting.
As I have seen though, over many years, from infancy onwards, severe negative patterns become inlaid mentally, emotionally and physically. They are rather similar amongst all humans in their content and in the resulting depressive mind state. The sequential experience of expectation not being met and causing disappointment, followed by anger, which is not satisfactorily dealt with by parents or care givers, lays down a perfect foundation for depression to develop in the young. Under these conditions, as children mature, their anxiety will increase. Their undetectable negative introspections can extend from moments and minutes into hours and days and everyone will comment about how shy or quiet the child is. For others they will remain outwardly active, even boisterous, but inside they are anxious, unsettled, angry, lonely and full of feelings of helplessness. Anger has a way of going underground causing all sorts of mental agony. The children know no difference. For them this is the normal state of being. As children get older, dreams of retribution begin to take hold during their hours of brooding. Teenagers of course, are particularly at risk as their developing egos become delicately poised to go one way or another as they face themselves alone and desperate for the approval they sought and never received.
Early depressive mind states are felt similarly by all, but what we do or do not do about it can produce many kinds of further sufferings, including acute mental illnesses, and sometimes death by illness, accident and suicide, whether planned or not.
SO... we must learn to deal with expectation!
